Coaching Skills 101: How to Draw Out the Best in Others at Work and Home
At Relational Leadership, we're passionate about equipping leaders with skills that transfer across all domains of life. In our recent podcast episode, we explored foundational coaching skills—a topic that has profoundly transformed both our professional relationships and family dynamics.
How often do we immediately jump to problem-solving mode when team members or family members bring concerns to us? It's a natural tendency we've experienced. However, through years of practice and intentional growth, we've discovered more effective approaches that build capability in others.
Why Coaching Matters
Coaching extends far beyond sports fields and executive boardrooms. At its core, coaching involves guiding others to develop their abilities, solve problems, and achieve goals through structured conversations and thoughtful feedback.
When leaders embrace coaching rather than directive approaches, several powerful outcomes emerge:
Enhanced performance and growth: People perform better when they discover and own solutions
Increased engagement and motivation: Team members invest more deeply in outcomes they helped create
Stronger problem-solving capabilities: Coaching develops critical thinking skills that transfer to other challenges
Deeper trust and relationships: The vulnerability in coaching conversations builds meaningful connections
Natural accountability: Trust-based relationships enable honest feedback and growth
Culture of continuous learning: The question "how can I improve?" becomes embedded in the culture
In our professional settings, we've witnessed team members proactively seeking feedback with questions like "how was that presentation?" or "what could I improve next time?" This creates a positive cycle of growth and development. Similarly, in our family life, coaching our children through challenges rather than solving problems for them has significantly enhanced their resilience and decision-making abilities.
Common Coaching Pitfalls to Avoid
Through our work with clients and our own leadership experiences, we've identified several common coaching mistakes that limit effectiveness:
Providing Solutions Too Quickly: As Kim often points out, sometimes people need space to process before moving to problem-solving. This happens frequently in marriages—"I don't want you to fix it, I just want you to listen!" The same dynamic occurs in professional relationships when leaders rush to provide answers.
Over-Directing: When leaders micromanage or insist on one specific approach, they miss valuable frontline insights. This approach carries an implicit assumption that the leader possesses all the relevant information and expertise, which is rarely the case.
Neglecting Individual Goals: Effective coaching requires finding the balance between organizational objectives and personal aspirations. The most sustainable growth happens at the intersection of these two areas—where team members can advance both collective goals and their professional development.
How to Recognize Coaching Opportunities
Through our training and implementation of Leader Lab's methodology, we've found that coaching opportunities typically arise in four distinct situations—what they call the "4 C's":
Conundrum: When someone faces a difficult decision or problem. This might be a team member evaluating project approaches or a teenager navigating social dynamics.
Complaint: When someone expresses frustration about a process or relationship. These moments, whether from a spouse discussing workload challenges or a team member struggling with a process, signal opportunities for meaningful coaching.
Confidence: When someone exhibits hesitation or nervousness about their abilities. This appears in various contexts—from children anxious about academic performance to team members preparing for presentations.
Completion: When a project concludes, creating space for reflection and celebration. In our experience, families often excel at marking these milestones, while workplace environments sometimes rush to the next task without proper reflection.
The SOON Funnel - a Practical Coaching Framework
Once you've identified a coaching opportunity, we recommend applying the SOON framework—a structured approach that guides productive coaching conversations:
S - Success
Begin by asking, "What do you want?" This question creates clarity and establishes a target. Without a defined outcome, coaching lacks direction. This foundational question ensures alignment on objectives before proceeding.
O - Obstacles
Follow with, "What's keeping you from getting there?" This question helps identify genuine barriers rather than just symptoms. By articulating obstacles clearly, both parties gain perspective on what needs to be addressed.
O - Options
Then explore, "What have you tried?" This question honors the person's experience and insights while preventing redundant suggestions. It also fosters humility in the coaching relationship—acknowledging that the coach doesn't possess all relevant expertise or perspective.
This question has proven particularly valuable when coaching across diverse domains. Through our work with professionals ranging from legal experts to educators, we've found that this inquiry opens doors to insights that would otherwise remain undiscovered.
N - Next Steps
Conclude with, "What's the next best thing to do?" This creates accountability and generates momentum. By identifying specific actions, this question transforms insights into practical outcomes.
Practical Applications
In Professional Settings:
Integrate coaching methodologies into regular one-on-one meetings, moving beyond status updates or venting sessions
Model coaching conversations in team settings to demonstrate the approach and build organizational capability
Recognize and reinforce positive behaviors immediately when observed—these timely affirmations reinforce growth and development
Regularly review professional aspirations (quarterly at minimum) to ensure alignment between individual goals and organizational needs
In Family Life:
Implement consistent family meetings that incorporate coaching principles
Provide age-appropriate challenges that create growth opportunities while allowing autonomy
Model healthy coaching conversations in your marriage—children are constantly observing relationship dynamics
Actively seek input and feedback from family members to normalize two-way communication and growth
Conclusion: A Powerful, Transferable Skill
The transferability of coaching skills across domains represents their true power. These approaches work effectively whether developing team members or raising children. The fundamental principles remain consistent—drawing out potential rather than imposing solutions.
Our experience demonstrates that coaching effectiveness doesn't require subject matter expertise. By asking thoughtful questions and creating space for discovery, leaders can facilitate growth even in areas outside their direct experience.
At Relational Leadership, we help purpose-driven people and teams grow into the best versions of themselves. Coaching stands as one of the most powerful methodologies for fulfilling this mission.
